We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
