I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
