Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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