I heard we made out
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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