Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
