Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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