I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
