fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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