She announced her abortion via fbk
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
