So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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