Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
