I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
