Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
