So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
