do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
We have started to decorate penises.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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