I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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