THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
