Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
