i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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