He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
