found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize