eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
