well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
