How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
