hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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