Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
