I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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