If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
