Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
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If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
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