Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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