I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
