Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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