either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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