dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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