I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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