Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
