Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
These tits shall not be calmed
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
