Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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