Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
