i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
