Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
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