Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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