my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
