and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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