just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Your cock deserves a montage
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
