is your mom at the bar?
he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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