then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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