Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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