i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
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I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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