there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
