i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
