i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Be still, my beating vagina.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
