it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Randomize
