just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
