totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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