But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
