My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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