Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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