hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Randomize
