Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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