Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
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