Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
