I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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