problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
