I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Quick, to the slutcave!
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
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