We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
