So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
