Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
